My Full Time Jobs

One of the less glamorous aspects of my job is the errand running. As lowest on the totem pole, I grab lunch, pop into Staples, and do the bank drive through, depending on what my office needs on a daily basis. My least favorite stop is Costco, for the obvious reasons, and I have been putting off a trip for about 6 weeks. Today I ran out of water - and luck. Costco it was! I work in a particularly charming suburban area situated on a long stretch of classic New Jersey highway. It's strip mall central - anything your heart desires conveniently located in a 10 mile radius - just use the U-Turn! It's a nightmare at lunchtime but a multi-taskers dream and I took advantage of my long errand to swing into Target for a browse. I constantly steal bottles from daycare (I'll return it tomorrow, I swear!) and the time had come for a little stock up, so I had a good excuse. Twenty minutes and fifty dollars later, I was standing online with an armful of things I totally forgot we needed - deodorant, razor blades, stage 3 nipples (they grow so fast!), etc. Being a new mom and totally baby slut, I picked the line where an adorable little girl, Maggie's age or so, was patiently waiting with her mom. Baby was turned out like no other - hat matched sweater complimented pants, etc. And it was no surprise - her mom was rocking a belted fur trench (yes, I said fur trench), not a (super overprocessed) strand of hair out of place.

I cooed and batted my eyes at sweet, sweet baby who ate it up, flirting, blowing bubbles, coquettishly chewing her hand while Mom stared forward, tapping her foot impatiently as the cashier carefully bagged her new purchases. I usually try and say hello to new moms, let them know I understand that it isn't easy, that their baby is BEAUTIFUL, that I hope they're enjoying the weather. I remember that isolating feeling of being home, just me and Maggie, and I have met so many lovely new mommies who also just want someone to say hello to. Not this lady - my awkward "How old is she?" was greeted with a glare. Oh, she heard me. She just chose not to answer.

Mom couldn't juggle baby and bags and it was time to go back into the stroller. Sweet baby's 180 was instantaneous and she started crying, mewing, shouting at the top of her lungs to be picked back up. Mom didn't have a moment to comfort her - it was time to swipe the card. Not a word of encouragement, a soothing look, a well meaning but strained hush. The baby screamed, the mom pouted, the tension grew. Mom had more bags then hands and was frazzled - I know the feeling. Standing in front of the cashier - not moving, not apologizing, not caring - ignoring her wailing infant, Mom reorganized her wallet, shuffled her diaper bag, and distributed her packages. And then she walked away, leaving her purse on the ground. "Ma'am? Your..." "I KNOW! I KNOW I LEFT MY FUCKING PURSE I'M COMING BACK FOR IT." Oh. The cashier blushed, looked away, looked embarassed. Mom left the screaming baby next to the automated doors and came back for her purse. Glared at me. Marched out.

And I got pissed. Not because the woman was an evil shouting troll with no manners and terrible taste in fur trench coats. I got pissed because said troll had the luxury of spending all day with such a beautiful little muffin and she didn't even appreciate it. Now, I'm not a perfect mother. I've shouted in front of Maggie, cried with her when she was frustrated, put her in her crib and walked away when I couldn't take it anymore. But I try. Everyday, to be the best Mom I possibly can and just love on her until she can't take it anymore because you're only little once and it's already going to fast. I got pissed because this woman wasn't a stay at home mom, she was an unemployed woman with a baby. Because I would trade with her in a second, this mean, mean lady with her precious little girl. And maybe she was having a bad day. But I am too! It's Monday. I'm sick. And Maggie is at daycare.

Plain and simple, I work to survive. We live in an area of the country where a combined household income of $70,000.00 is just enough to live paycheck to paycheck, with a little left over for luxuries like retirement and emergency savings. I am one of the fortunate few, a working mother with outstanding and affordable child care, humane hours, and a supportive partner. But if we hit the lotto? If Maggie's Daddy got a raise? Two weeks notice would not even cross my mind - I would be home with my daughter tomorrow if I had the opportunity. Maybe if I was "passionate" about my job (I'm not) or providing a valuable public service (far from it), I would feel differently, but home is where my heart is, wherever I may go. Everyday I fall deeper in love with the most fantastic mistake my husband and I ever made and it may be difficult to believe, but it is getting harder and harder to leave my daughter everyday.

So until we make our first million, I'll keep working hard for my family and our future. And I'll let women like THAT be an example of exactly who I do not want to be when I grow up.